Race report - Nordschleife
Sir Jackie Stewart famously called it "The Green Hell". No, he wasn't looking down at a dinner plate full of brussels sprouts and broccoli. He was referring to the incredible 14 mile beast of a race track in Germany called the Nurburgring. This long classic version is now known officially as "Nordschleife" and known by lazy people as "Nords". Getting through a lap there unscathed is almost as difficult as getting through that aforementioned plate of greens. Getting through an actual race at Nords? Prepare to be scathed - lots. Despite this threat I managed to have a really positive and enjoyable race. Of course as always at this place there was a sting in the tail, but it was caused by a rather unexpected external event.
Qualifying: I arrived at the track halfway through qualy which was not ideal. Fortunately I'd managed some practice during the week and Koaster had come up with a very nice setup. I had time for an outlap and 2 fliers so I just got out there. I kept the outlap clean, did a decent banker lap and then went for a final push lap. I pushed too hard and ended up scraping a few walls, so I turned it into a damaged car test lap. In the end I qualified 8th which was fine by me. Long race.
Race: My start was a bit slow and Anon took advantage slipping ahead at T1. I was being pretty careful and it looks like everyone else around me was too. The car was a little tricky with full fuel and cold tyres but I kept it off the walls. Unfortunately for teammate QC he found the wall early (bad luck mate) then later in the lap Anon went wide, hit the wall and spun accross in front me and the rest of the pack. I had a flashback of my own Bathurst disaster in similar circumstances but this time fortunately we all got through. With Carlos on my tail I had no time to relax but I managed to pull a small gap in the fast uphill section mid lap. This was just as well as up ahead teammate jlynn777 spun off into the wall at the tight right hander leading up to the Karusell. He was recovering as I arrived and I couldn't quite squeeze past which brought Carlos back onto my tail. This was a cool battle as Mael was lurking just behind Carlos.
As we hammered through the fast twisty bits I was right on jlynn's tail, but a slight miscalculation got me crossed up badly. I'm sure Carlos missed a heartbeat with his ringside view as I cranked completely sideways down through a right hander. Somehow I managed to gather it up and carry on but lets just say I left more skidmarks than there are wheels on the car! This was still only the first lap but the action wasn't over yet! jlynn had got a small gap on me after my little 'slide-show', but he went wide at the right hander leading onto the straight, hit the wall and bounced back onto the track right in front of me. It was a good save but I had to touch the brake to avoid contact. Not the ideal way for either of us to lead onto a massive straight and I had one eye glued to the mirror expecting Carlos and Mael to take advantage. Fortunately they couldn't quite do that and I managed to slip past jlynn as well. At the end of lap 1 I was 6th.
From there I wasn't threatened for the rest of the race, but neither could I threaten anyone else. I pitted at the end of lap 5 for fuel and tyres and only gained a position due to Marty's misfortune (really bad luck mate). I was happy with my consistency and only had a few little moments here and there - until the last lap.
FYI my sim racing setup involves hooking up my office chair to my desk using straps on each side. I was well into the final lap and the car felt good so I was happy to see that I was up on my best lap time. A PB on the last lap is always nice. I was hammering down the hill and hit the brakes hard for a tight right hander when suddenly the strap holding the right hand side of my chair snapped! I momentarily swung backwards into the room and of course I had no pressure on the brake pedal anymore. I desperately dropped gears as I hauled myself back to my pedals but it was too late. I clattered into the outer guardrail which naturally flung me down and across to the other wall which naturally made sure I was pointed completely in the wrong direction. Noooooooooooo!. Checking the map and leaderboard I could see Anon and Mael were already on their way down the hill with my 20+ second gap falling like Turnbull's approval rating. My back-and-fill maneuver to get me pointing the right way felt like it took an eternity (just like this race report) and I headed off with a loose seat and an even looser mouth!
I carried on by hanging onto the wheel hard to stop me pushing backwards when I braked. Somehow I made it to the finish cleanly and without losing a spot. My final position was a season best 5th. Phew! Congrats to race winner Koaster (Yay TTB!) and to Stiggy and Godzilla for 2nd & 3rd.
It's difficult to express the feeling that racing at The Green Hell evokes in a driver - so naturally I've turned to rhyme...
The Green Hell
by Krunch
Come to Nords and bring a friend
With countless thrills round every bend
There's people with games and stories to tell
You'll even find a carousel
But truth be told it's no kids park
Like childhood nightmares in the dark
There's evil over every crest
The scary never takes a rest
The guardrails have a siren's song
Don't listen or it won't be long
Before you meet with your disaster
This is a place you'll never master
As we all lined up on the grid
About to start our foolish bid
I'm sure I heard an evil cack
A taunt from deep within the track
Crazily we went ahead
Howling off the start we sped
Down the hill to meet our doom
May I have some racing room?
Racing on for over an hour
Trying to stop things turning sour
We battled with walls and curbs and brakes
And melted tyres and pains and aches
So did you resist the Siren's call
Attracting you to every wall?
Or did you fly into the air
Off curbs made out of pure despair?
Did you bump and grind around
All fourteen miles of hallowed ground
Nine times to make it to the line
Sweating blood three quarters blind?
Well if you did congratulations
You deserve the adulations
You did well to come this far
You get to keep the mental scar
And you can say that you survived
A place where others weren't revived
Cos Nordschleife casts an evil spell
At the place they call... The Green Hell
So that's another season finished all too soon. Awaiting the final championship table. 
Last edited: Sep 19, 2017
