ADZ'S JOKE OF THE DAY... erm WEEK maybe?!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Ad2mny, Jul 3, 2016.

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  1. emmo46

    emmo46 Steward Team Raceonoz Gold Member Super ROOZ

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    Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
    Officer: Age?
    Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
    Officer: Height?
    Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
    OFFICER : Weight?
    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
    OFFICER : Color of eyes?
    Husband: Sort of brown I think.
    OFFICER : Color of hair?
    Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
    OFFICER : What was she wearing?
    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
    OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
    Husband: She went in my truck.
    OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
    Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera,
    Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch,
    sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires.
    It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.

    At this point the husband started choking up.

    OFFICER:Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck.
  2. emmo46

    emmo46 Steward Team Raceonoz Gold Member Super ROOZ

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    A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.
    He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.”
    The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.”
    The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”
    Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”
    The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy… activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, “Riding a bike.”
    The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
    The chief replied, “My bike.”
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  3. emmo46

    emmo46 Steward Team Raceonoz Gold Member Super ROOZ

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    ** Beware **
    I ordered Chinese locally (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving back home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
    I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
    I was driving at the time so I pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef!
    I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
    And there it was ...



    ... A Peeking Duck!!!
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  4. emmo46

    emmo46 Steward Team Raceonoz Gold Member Super ROOZ

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    I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night pulling off my boxers when my wife said to me..


    "You really spoil those dogs"
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